


if it's said and done

by finkpishnets



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Coda, Ficlet, M/M, Protective Ben Mitchell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28532637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkpishnets/pseuds/finkpishnets
Summary: Callum doesn’t know what to say. He’d been so sure he knew how this conversation was going to go, just needed to hear Ben say the words so he could let his heart fall to inevitable pieces.It’s what he deserves.Except—
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	if it's said and done

**Author's Note:**

> post episode 1/1/21. 
> 
> just a little piece i had to get off my chest post ep, and because if it doesn't go this way ben mitchell and i are going to have words.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, and Ben throws his mug in the sink and slams the door shut as he leaves. Callum stays where he is, pushing the last of the Christmas biscuits around his plate until the sun goes down, listening to the ambient sounds of the street outside against the silence of the house.

Ben comes back at dinner time, mouth tight and a bag of cooling fish and chips in his hand that he throws on the table before dropping into his abandoned chair. Callum gets up to fetch the salt and vinegar. 

“Tell me again,” Ben says, so Callum does. Lays the pieces out without embellishment. Even goes as far as explaining his chat with Jack and how he’d never wanted Ben to know. It’s damning, he knows it is, but he owes it to Ben and he owes it to himself to not be the kind of bloke who’d keep something like this from the man he loves.

He’s never seen someone eat cod as furiously as Ben is.

“We need our own place,” Ben says eventually. It’s not what Callum’s expecting and he’s caught with a mouthful of mushy peas.

“What?” he says when he’s finally able to swallow.

“Our own place,” Ben says, like Callum’s being slow. “We can’t be living under Dad’s roof when he finds out. We could move in with Stu and Rainie for a bit, but—” He pulls a face. “Still, might be better to have your brother around for a bit of extra muscle.” 

Callum doesn’t know what to say. He’d been so sure he knew how this conversation was going to go, just needed to hear Ben say the words so he could let his heart fall to inevitable pieces.

It’s what he deserves.

Except—

“ _Callum_ ,” Ben says, slapping his hand on the table between them to get his attention. The frown between his eyes in still there, and Callum resists the urge to reach across and smooth it out.

“Why aren’t you leaving me?” he says, and Ben reels backwards in his seat, staring at him. Callum’s never been able to read Ben’s mind no matter how well he knows him, and most of the time he thinks that’s probably a good thing, but right now he wishes he could.

“Don’t be so fucking daft,” Ben says after a moment, and he’s still angry but it’s shifted into something fuelled by hurt now. Callum really needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut. “I can’t believe you’d do something so _stupid_ , and I have no bloody clue how we’re going to fix it, but I love you, you git. How can you still not _get_ that?”

_Because I’m not worth it_ , he thinks. _Because people don’t choose me, not really. Because, because, because…_

“I know you do,” he says instead, because he does. It’s not easy, knocking down the walls and masks and inch deep armour he’s been living behind for most of his life, but Ben did it. Did it ages ago when he looked at Callum and _saw_ him. But— “You love your dad, too.”

“‘Course I do,” Ben says. “Hate him a lot of the time as well. But Cal, you’ve gotta know, besides Lexi I’d choose you over _anyone_.”

Callum laughs and it comes out sounding like a sob. It’s all too much — the relief of finally telling Ben, of hearing Ben say it’s okay, that they’re in it together — and then Ben’s there, wrapping his arms around him and holding him a little too tightly, and Callum sinks into it and lets the relief overwhelm him.

“I’ve got ya,” Ben says, pressing kisses against his hair. “You’re gonna dob this bastard in, and then we’re gonna deal with my dad, and it’s all gonna be alright, yeah? You and me against the world.”

_God_ , Callum loves him so much it hurts.

“Our own place, huh?” Callum says when he’s calmed down enough to form words. Ben’s still holding him, leant down in a way that must be causing his back to cane, but he doesn’t move, just keeps stroking careful fingers through Callum’s hair. 

“Sensible thing to do,” Ben says, and that bite of amusement’s back, the one that’s always made Callum’s blood burn. “Was thinking about it anyway, if we’re being honest.”

“Yeah?” Callum says, and Ben huffs a laugh against his cheek.

“Think about the future all the time,” Ben says. “ _Our_ future. Our family.”

It’s enough to make Callum want to start crying all over again.

The thing is—

The thing _is_ , Callum doesn’t. Not because he doesn’t want it, but because he wants it _too much_ , and thinking about it feels like a jinx. Yet another thing in his life for him to mess up. 

Except he has messed up, and Ben’s messed up, and they’re both still sat here in Phil Mitchell’s kitchen having a cry and a cuddle and talking about their mistakes like actual goddamn adults.

“We’ll start looking tomorrow, yeah?” he says, and Ben hums in pleased agreement.

Nothing’s really changed. Callum’s still probably going to lose his job, no matter what happens, and Phil’s gonna be homicidal when he finds out. There’s Stuart to look out for, and Thompson’s bound to have some more sinister tricks up his sleeve.

It’s still a massive shit show.

Ben’s still here, though, and right now that’s enough.

Honestly? He’s pretty sure it always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> come chat to me [on tumblr.](https://madroxed.tumblr.com/)


End file.
